SeventhLetter

i’m really not here to make your life miserable, i could have and you should know that.  Don;t get caught up in your ego though, because your deceit remedied any chance of me wasting my time on you.  There are some key points i failed to notice the way you treat your friends, the few you actually stick with or stick with you.  The fact that you’re so worried about what i’m going to do does nothing but offend me and make me giggle.  Get over yourself the way you got over me.

Are you really ready? Have the tears really dried

How coincidental, it’s still raining. LITERALLY. I thought I moved away from this, both literally and metaphorically. Somehow though it followed me here to this place, the hustle and bussle the overcrowded population, did exactly the opposite though, because now I’m more lonely than when I was alone. Rooted in my small town “lonely” seemed so bad, but I guess there were some factors that I failed to notice in the equation. Feeling alone in a crowd of 20 is a drizzle compared to alone in a crowd of 200. I guess I missed a digit in my common denominator. And no one told me it rains so much here. Not the run away cause it’s pouring so hard or the go play in it fun mist, the irritating middle the gray area no one cares for, plus it’s heavy filled with bits and pieces of the environment, filled with bits and pieces exhaled by overpopulation. Somehow this rain is stress induced by fast pace lives stuck in slow pace traffic. Locked in lanes of unfamiliar, yet I’m still fighting issues at home still searching for umbrellas cause hilos still pouring in my absence, washing away neccesity leaving only unnecessary. And once again I’m caught in cliche cause who ever said you can’t run away from your problems, solidified their position in my suggested listen to that dude list. I guess when it rains it pours and an umbrella might keep you dry but it won’t stop the rain leaving things as unpredictable and temporary as a passing shower…you can’t run from the rain.

Gameplan after gameplan, through trial and error, epic fails leading to depressed nights, random inklings of light we called hope that kept you pursuing, when all your friends hated the idea of you and him, I was still here helping you cope and explaining the situation to you, I was there for support and to make your options clear, you were there for me too, as much as somehow me and him didn’t get along I supported your decisions, and now that it’s finally good finally working out who got left in the dust. I miss you and I wish I wasn’t a secret I wish we were still besties but I guess in humans lie insecurities, in which we find justification. That doesn’t change the fact that I miss you love you AP aka CF

words maybe the best way to cut through the silence of chaos,
these words attempt to bring justice to my unsightly habits,
yet i strive for domination through physical superiority,
not simply relying on the persuasion of my accomplished verbal stature,
but relying on and placing all trust, faith, and hope into none other,
maybe i seek outside influence and occasionally assistance,
but in no way is it a cry for help, a white flag, or my submit,
inferior to some i will admit but where i lack i strive,
weakness has become my incumbent source of raw motivation,
funny how those words of foes becomes my life source,
I have become dependent on air fed out from these negative sources,
you speak in carbon form i receive in oxygen,
somehow someone convinced us all of the existence of perfection,
however unattainable this may seem we still use it to describe our aspirations,
exemplifying this statement is the common world around us,
is this all practice? when will i be satisfied permanently?
with every open and close of my shutter joyful emotion come,
rushing through my body like a shot of adrenaline yet as fast as it came,
it is gone automatically my muscle memory is back on the trigger eyes focused,
ready to do it again improvement is a sick and twisted game,
as it just keeps adding to the lists of insecurities and inferiorities,
like there wasn’t enough already…

Internal lacerations to vital organs,
In turn I walk at best morbid,
Hold up my head high when the axe comes swinging,
Singing the melodramatic theme song put together with every action,
Physically emotionally spiritually from past through present,
I sacrifice what is most valuable to most,
Selfish you say but if I were selfish would I care what you say,
The masses emasculate my massive indecision,
Indecisiveness is priceless when you need a decision,
So I made mine, it’s a shame I’m, willing to take,
In this equation making the wrong choice,
Seemed an easier burden to cancel out when compared to,
The tick tock of the clock as the jeopardy tune comes on,
The silence and staring the impatiently waiting,
Losing my voice and my say by not even making a choice,
I rather just chose to lose than be told it is my fate.
And heaven forbid that fate can be changed,
Fate is a slave burden wrapped up in chains.
Yet we put all our eggs into this basket of fate,
Some call it crazy most call it faith,
But I chose to name it inevitable heartbreak.

Find someone who’s crazy, make sure that she’s hotter than you but is convinced of the opposite. Fill her head up with how beautiful she is but don’t let it get to big. Establish that you don’t need her, you just want her. Make her feel special among your friends, but make sure she knows their still your friends. Make sure she’s hurt, so she won’t hurt you. Let her know that you have the power to hurt her, but that you won’t. Love in contradictions but never contradict love. Silly I know but it’s how you make something real make it last not something fake not something fast..true love is pain, no happiness without hurt, no yin without yang, no reward without risk.

Me-“Tracee I need to go to your luau and find me a rich white girl” Tracee-“why a white girl” Me-“cause I’m attracted to barbie ass white girls I can convince to spend daddies money on me, but I date Asians”

Ive realized how epic this conversation was I really am attracted to white girls well preferably hapa girls but I date Asians this is not to be stereotypical or racist but I date wifey material I don’t want to imagine you naked I wanna imagine you cuddled up in bed with me after a long day of random epic missions as for attraction although at first glance she may be more attractive to me attraction grows with live and getting to know someone and that’s what lasts not steamy hott…well you get that picture and I’m not saying that can’t still happen ;) lady in the streets freak in the sheets soooowoooo

1. Surprise, this balls out attempt works really well when you’re exceptionally good looking. No stuttering aloud the tactic to this, is to catch the victim off guard, to where they’re just reacting. Keep this fast paced keep conversation light, laughing with a hint of asshole in there. Ive found asshole to be a trait similar to pepper a little bit spicy but essential to flavor(no homo). Please don’t use this if you’ve ever been classified a creeper or in places too dark to see your non-threatening face. Suggested locations for this are malls, parks(not if shes exercising), or school. Go into this with a clever opener and a clever number closer please don’t use this to try and get a girl to come home with you that would be insult to my intelligence.

Exactly what it says is exactly what we don’t want to be. I say we, because I’m speaking out of general knowledge. I, being the eccentric mindfuck I once was, and you being well you let’s not point fingers or call names, because that’s totally besides my point. When reflecting and collaborating thoughts I decided to go with my gut and act like it’s the ESP working again. I know you like me there is most definitely an extent of that going on. I only ask for you to tell me cause I bask in my insecurities, but I kicked that out the Door like the bad habit it is. I also know the facts that you’re immersed in which help you avoid the situation, and they are true, but we have a connection that distance nor any other trust obstacles are even ready for. We are beezys and before this all took over my mind that’s all that mattered and it still is what matters. That just means we understand each other and that’s not something that happens over night in one night stands drunken mistakes or shallow flings. I want more and I know somewhere deep down in your heart so do you, not necessarily with me but I know you expect more from life. So if you’d give me the chance I would most definitely use that opportunity to show you. Make the most of what life has to offer. Not just another notch on your bedpost or lines of a freestyle you’re my written song, the only kind that holds true to feelings. So I guess what I’m trying to say is…

I’m confident in my ability to talk your panties off and your heart in a bag, but that’d be as temporary as a gallon of ice cream in the sun. You already know how I want it, how real it needs to be. If you aren’t confident on real I can show you and you know that. I know your scared but my ESP which was involuntarily shut off somehow, tells me that you’re making it obvious I’m just oblivious. So no more oblivious here I go. Whole cake mission engage :)

Good morning, as the texts dissipated, the calls vanished, the love lost, all I could say is Good morning. I’m still bitter about how you once again, found a way to blame me for your distance, convince me that it’s all my fault. Through it all I take the pain because I miss you and it’s as simple as that

Today while enjoying my lunch I came across a pretty interesting fellow, who pitched his idea which was amazing, but the pitch came at me straight up no gimmicks and in monotone. If you don’t know how to sell stuff then why are you trying, first lesson of this story, it takes game to play the game. I much rather hear an amazing pitch of a bad idea, than fall asleep to a bad pitch of an amazing idea. Example time: the shamwow has been around for decades it’s called a shammie(sp?) but some crazy guy on tv added a wow and his altogether genuine sounding stoke into it and that shit blew up like a wildfire on kerosene. Moral of this story get yo game right and be prepared before you shoot yourself into anything otherwise you end up with bad sales pitches and bitter tastes in your mouth, cause it’s not about liking you or not, it’s all in the way I tell you or show you.

My heart only came with one lock when I got it, and I have the key. Maybe when you had it you made a copy though cause somehow you broke in, when I knew it was locked stole the inner contents and smashed, trashed, and stomped it. I have a way of only being totally honest when there is some benefit to me, so guess what to be totally honest, it’s not supposed to be yours. The guy at the hardware store mustv’e missed the inscription that says do not copy. We’ve been apart for so long I’m pretty sure that we both believe that we are never really going to be together, but you still know how to get to me. You play it off like I’m stupid and naive, like I don’t know you like the best friend I’m supposed to be…